Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Mistake

Unfortunately after my positive start yesterday morning I started worrying about my situation. Reading about the editing process made me realise that I have a lot more to do than I originally hoped, and that three months just wasn't going to cut it.

Was reading up on editing techniques an excuse for avoiding my first draft? Procrastination has always got me down. What if I can never pick up the bloody stack of paper?

Would I be able to do a good job when the time came? I'm still not sure if I'm a good writer. And equally unsure if I could take the criticism when the time comes.

And at my lowest point I wondered if I had made a huge mistake. This time last year I was comfortable to be at home and excited about finally knuckling down and writing. But the pressure I had heaped on myself felt too great.

I felt lonely in the flat by myself with no-one to tell me what to do next and how to do it. I had to figure it out on my own but wasn't sure I could.

The minute the Ours came through the door I had a little cry. Luckily he always knows the right thing to say. It was just the FEAR. Whatever happens we can sort it out together.

I had a long sleep last night and, feeling better, read more of Sol Stein. Now I'm going for a walk. Life is good again.

6 comments:

laurie said...

yvonne, don't think of it as editing.

think of it as rewriting.

you've got all the clay on the table--that was the hard part. now you get to play with it. i always found rewriting and polishing to be the truly fun part.

Yvonne said...

Hi Laurie, that's a great way to look at it, you've lifted my spirits! Thank you!

Alix said...

oh fear can really hold you back can't it.
I liked Laurie's comment. It must be easier than having a blank page before you, you've got through the hardest part.
Good Luck and I'm glad your in better spirits today.

Yvonne said...

Alix, fear is the worst. But I feel much better after talking about it.

JJ said...

Hey, I know strictly speaking,I've missed your wobble, but sorry to hear you had one. Sometimes reading a 'how to' can make you realise the mountain in front of you, but you know, one step at a time.
JJx

Yvonne said...

JJ, thanks. I think I just realised how much work I would have to put into rewriting and it's just not my strong point. But as you said, one step at a time, and I hope to have something I'm really proud of at the end!