Words and Websites

I know I shouldn't be blogging - but I wanted to say two things:

1. I've rewritten 1700 words so far today!

2. My new website has gone up, designed by The Ours himself - I love it!

Perfect

The last two weeks have been...tough. Like I said in a comment, wrestling with this first story has sunk my confidence to rock bottom and hiked my anxiety levels to insomniac.

Every night I'd go to bed exhausted, but I'd just lie there, my brain turning over the problems with the story, the editing I still had to do as I'd started it afresh, how to inject pace and tension without killing the style, the fact that I still had loads of work left to do and should really be doing more, why was I so lazy? Taking time off work to write and not doing it eight hours a day. Get it together, I'd hiss at myself. You have to do a great job, first time around. You don't have the time or money to fuck it up. Your writing has to be perfect.

After a fitful sleep I'd wake up exhausted and bully myself into writing, hating what I was producing because it wasn't really going anywhere, just going in circles because I didn't have the guts to finish it or go back and fix what I wanted to fix. As the rain was slamming against the windows and the wind banging the doors I'd sit in the gray dusk, too defeated to turn on the light, and stare at the wall while my head fretted and fidgeted until The Ours came home to mark the end of the working day but I only wanted to watch the same old programmes on tv and complain about how I just wanted to sleep and be productive and why couldn't I do it, perhaps I wasn't cut out for writing because I felt so lonely and dejected and why couldn't I get it together? Then I'd go to bed exhausted and the scene would play itself out again, stuck in my own Groundhog Day of Hell.

But by Thursday morning something had changed, perhaps the colours shone a little brighter or I'd slept a little deeper, and not only did I write 1400 words but I printed out what I had written and made notes on how to change things, and I realised that it wasn't actually that bad, actually some of it was...good! Some scenes needed to be moved around and the dialogue needed more to and froing, but I wouldn't have to scrap it. It was a relief.

And at the end of this week I'm proud to say that even though my mood was the pits I was still able to produce an average of 1100 words a day. Perhaps I am cut out to be a writer after all. I am back to great form again, looking forward to spending a long St. Patrick's Day weekend with The Ours and my friends. I still have a long way to go but I think I can do it.

Stuffed

My head feels like it's stuffed with cotton wool today, ready to pop all over my dark green duvet. (yes, I'm in bed again, hurray for writerhood!)

Perhaps I'm a little under the weather that is having a tantrum of nuclear proportions outside?

Or maybe it's because of the documentary about Stephen Hawking last night, which I could follow until they started talking about String Theory and stretched my gray matter to breaking point?

Whatever the reason, I'm feeling a little sorry for myself. But I did manage 956 words so far. Not my best work, but it's still something.

I also finished Maggie O'Farrell's After You'd Gone which I really enjoyed. I found the style and colour of her writing to be so original and emotive. She really let the characters speak for themselves and I couldn't help but care for them. Incredibly well-paced too - I couldn't believe it was her first novel.

One minor quibble, I found the dialogue stilted and unrealistic at times, it reminded me of the dialogue in my first draft which actually gave me hope. If I could produce something in my first draft that reminded me of a published novel I enjoyed, I might have a chance in the publishing wilderness!

Howl

After a fun but tiring weekend I was all set to pass out in bed last night, but was kept awake by a storm that swatted the fire doors, peeled tiles off the neighbouring roofs and dropped debris through the glass panelled extensions at the back.

This morning the wind had died down and The Ours brought my laptop to where I stayed, in bed. I wrote 1140 words of my second draft, then completed an article about Las Vegas and sent it into BootsnAll.

Now all I have to do is stay awake until tonight. Where's that howling wind when you need it?

Muse Update

She's back - 1023 words so far.

Have some cleaning to do as my parents are visiting this weekend, they are both really laid back but I couldn't bear them to see the flat in this state.

I also put our various dining chairs on Freecycle - our table is now the folding kind so we bought six collapsable chairs from Habitat that we stow in our walk-in hot press. The old dining chairs are just taking up valuable space.

A Start

I started my rewrite today, managed exactly 1008 carefully chosen words before I started producing nonsense. Not a bad beginning...

I'm going to aim for 1000 well-crafted words a day for the time being and see how that goes. As I'm only keeping 10% of the original first draft for this story I'm determined to get it right this time, so that the next edit will be words changed here and there rather than a complete slash and burn!

As I only got five hours sleep last night I'm going for a nap. Good night.

100%

Something strange just happened.

I had said that this story, the last one of my novel, had another 4000 words to go. I based this figure on the word count of the previous three stories that I had written. But last night I had told the Ours that I didn't think it would stretch that far. The story was a more compact one - the narrative and plot didn't require a heavy hand. It was what the characters didn't say or do that mattered.

So 2000 words in this morning I realised that the story was coming to a natural end. I was a little taken aback, and stretched it as much as I could - but at 2433 words it was all over. I couldn't wring another word out of it. (I realise now that I should have finished earlier - but at the eleventh hour I just wasn't ready for it to end. Strange, as this day has been my guide since the beginning.)

I called the Ours, explained that I had reached the end a little earlier than I had forseen, and he told me he was proud of me. I then put down the phone and started writing this post. Then I stopped for a little cry, not a miserable one, a release.

So there it is. 100% of my first draft is now written. 90,967 words. I won't be moving onto the next draft until I finish my course. Part of me wishes that I could have reached the 4000 words that I had readied myself for. But a bigger part of me knows this wish betrays my writing instinct. Sometimes you can't plan for the end. It just happens.

Facebook be damned

2400 words today. Good start to the week.

Am especially pleased as my writing week coincided with my discovery of Facebook. I spent many hours during the weekend updating my profile, adding new applications, joining idiotic groups, adopting cyber pets and generally putting a lot of effort into something that means absolutely nothing. I'm ashamed to admit that I'm now a tiny cog in the social networking machine that sucks up my time, energy and self-esteem. In return it provides me with no real sustenance...except for the odd poke.

It's the new emotional fuckwit boyfriend.

Sofa

Another day off today, as I didn't know what time the new sofa would be delivered. It arrived an hour ago, but the delivery men couldn't fit it through the front door of our apartment. Apparently our front door is really narrow, which I never noticed before, but quite common in apartment builds. Thank you kind builders! For a while it looked like I would have to take the door of the hinges, which I really didn't want to do for obvious reasons. (Being 5 foot nothing and as weak as a kitten was two of them)

But after fifteen minutes of pushing, shoving, dismantling and cursing it was in - and it is a lovely piece of furniture. It's a dark brown leather sofa bed, with a big thick mattress and extremely comfy padding. But more importantly, unlike the old sofa, I can actually lie down on it without having to curl my legs to fit. And that, ladies and gentlemen, was worth the fourteen week wait.

Wrote 1770 words today - very close to the end now...

Too much of a good thing

My new 'school' is temporarily closed due to a power failure. Music to my ears as a kid but as a (semi) adult I was a little put out - I'd rather get the whole thing over with as soon as possible, time is money, yadda yadda.

But it has given me a chance to start my last story - and so far I've written 1400 words. I hadn't realised how much I'd missed it. The break has clearly done me good; my writing was rejuvenated and I'm very happy with the story so far. Perhaps I was feeling a little jaded and burned out before? It's a real possibility, as I just wasn't sold on the last three stories that I'd written.

I have to wait around Thursday morning for our new sofa delivery, so I'll get a chance to write more then. Certainly the benefits of having a decent break between the first and second draft are very clear to me now.

Bird's nest

I knew that I had to finish the story today and do a million other things. So I got up early and bashed out 1800 words on my laptop get it out of the way. So now (yay) it's done and dusted, and I'm off to clean the flat and get my bird's nest cut and dyed.

Hurray for the weekend! Have a great one.

90% and Secretary

Another 1700 words today, enough to pass the 90% mark. W00t!

Should hopefully finish the ninth story tomorrow. Truth be told it is one of my weaker ones, but that's just all part of the circus of writing ten short stories - there's going to be a few that need a lot of work later. Until then though, here's to looking forward and successfully blocking out what has come before!

Watched the film Secretary last night, I was surprised to find it so funny and uplifting. Despite the S&M theme it's actually a good old-fashioned love story - how people can be healed by finding someone who loves and accepts them for who they really are.

A good friend of mine says that you know it's love if you can trip and fall flat on your face in front of your partner and you don't die of embarrassment. I'm a big believer in that, which is why I'm always compelled to torch any copy of The Rules or similar. You might be able to keep someone interested by playing games and concealing your feelings, but in the end you will never know if you are truly loved until you bare your soul.

Rant over, that is all.

Boozy weekends ahead

Managed 1700 words today - not bad.

A good friend and ex-flatmate is visiting from London this weekend, so I sent out a few emails to the usual suspects to ask if they were about. Brisbane's answer to Nigella Lawson responded by wondering how my healthy eating plans would fit into my no doubt boozy weekend ahead?

An excellent question! The weekend ahead will definitely be a calorific one. If that wasn't button-poppingly bad enough, the weekend after that involves a trip to Luxembourg, where we take pride in guzzling and scoffing the best beer, wine and food that we can get our grubby little mitts on. I was thinking about putting off my healthy plan until after Luxembourg, but I reckon I should at least try to limit some of the damage.

I refuse to become a stick-in-the-mud though - I'm still going to eat, drink and be merry with my friends and family, but I'll be on the look out for less fattening options when available. It's all about moderation y'all! (or so I keep telling myself)

Writer weight

I've had enough of research (boo) so I got started early today and racked up 2050 words. I've realised that my first draft will be over 90'000 words which is ok, as I'm hoping to remove around 5-10% during the second draft. In other words I waffle a lot, so masses of pruning is required.

I also started my 'healthy eating' plan today, which basically involves me drinking less, cutting down on the huge portions, and exercising more. I've put on a lot of weight since I've started writing - in fact, I've put on all that weight that I lost during my year in Australia four years ago and kept off since. In the last six months all my good habits have ebbed away, and were replaced by a shoulder devil that told me it was perfectly ok to drink lots and eat out three or more times a week. Because I deserved the socialising after spending so much time at home.

But I'm sick of not fitting into my clothes anymore and I feel unhealthy, so it's time for a change. Wish me luck.

The dreaded weather

Wrote 2100 words today, which was enough to finish my eighth story! I’ll spend today and tomorrow planning the next story before the weekend.

I recently cancelled my membership with the gym, because I just wasn’t going anymore. I found that it took two hours out of my day which I couldn’t spare at first, as my writing schedule was all over the place. It was tough on my mothridden wallet too.

Unfortunately I’m one of those people who has to exercise, as I can’t get enough of good food and drink. Actually I don’t mind the bad food either, I often wake up to find the filet tower burger I was cramming into my mouth was a figment of my imagination. So Daisy suggested I just go for a brisk walk every day, which is was a fantastic idea as it gets me out of the house and keeps me fit.

However the new fitness regime coincided with absolutely horrendous weather here in Dublin. Every day for the past three weeks I’ve stuck my head out the door to witness a beautiful blue sky with a few white clouds. I enthusiastically throw on my exercise kit and head outside, heart filled with the joy of summer, until I realise that more clouds have gathered and some of them look quite menacing. Refusing to be put off by a few drops of rain, I set off. Five minutes later I am shivering in the cold wind and torrential downpour while struggling past sniggering pedestrians under oversized umbrellas. By the time I get home the sky is clear again, but I’m no longer impressed. I peel off my cold wet clothes and sulk in the shower.

I really need to go for a walk today, but it looks like the weather has grown tired of toying with us and is stuck on 24 hour misery. Sigh.

Sprinting versus long distance

As I knew I was very busy today with different bits and pieces - we're going to Birmingham to visit the Ours' parents this weekend - I got up earlier than usual and made a beeline to the laptop.

So far I've reached 1600 words. It's only taken me five months to realise that when I start before 9:30 I'll get a lot done that day. In fact I'll usually be finished before lunchtime which frees me up for research or various chores in the afternoon.

I can imagine that some of you are surprised that I don't write all day, nine to five. Sometimes I am still wrestling with the novel at four o'clock in the afternoon, but this is rare. I work in bursts; I'll usually write for three or four hours straight without a break (I get up to stretch my legs periodically though, to keep the DVT at bay!) and then have my lunch or go out for a walk.

I've always worked like this, even when I had a nine to five job - several hours of intense activity, followed by several hours of intense slacking off. It works well for me. Personally there's nothing worse than going back to a scene after I've had a long break, as it's really difficult to pick up the thread and keep the momentum going. I suppose I'm a sprinter rather than a long distance runner. (In writing of course, in real life I'm a dawdler)

Slacker

I have about a month until I start my training course, plenty of time to finish my first draft. So I've decided to drop my minimum word count from 2000 to 1000 for the time being, so I can slow down, add more colour and generally improve the quality of my writing. Today I wrote 1200 words until the scene I was working on came to a natural end. I'm going to figure out the details of the last section today.

Unfortunately I still haven't decided on the plot of my last story; I have a few in mind but none of them have grabbed me yet. I'm not worried though. As my deadline looms closer and closer I will pick up the pace. Four weeks seems like a lot now so I'm slacking off a little, but panic will set in soon. And from previous experience that's when I deliver my best work!

Hope you all had a great weekend.

Writer's (good) cramp

Wonders will never cease. I sat down this morning and knocked out 2000 words in two hours. It helped that I was writing dialogue mainly, but still. How does it happen that I have days where I struggle to write a word, and then others where it flows so freely that my hands can't keep up? My right arm unsurprisingly aches...but I'm not complaining.

Taking a break now to do some research and to look up some books about editing and manuscript presentation - if you have a book or a website that's helped you, or any advice that you'd like to pass on, please let me know!

I'm back, baby

Have managed 1200 words so far today - I've found it very encouraging, and am feeling much better about my writing. I decided to drop my minimum daily word count to 500 for a few days to boost my confidence and take the pressure off. It seems to have worked, as I'm no longer avoiding my laptop. I don't think I'll ever enjoy writing all the time - I think it's good to feel apprehensive about the day ahead, to never take it for granted and to push myself to produce the best work that I can - but at least the FEAR isn't paralysing me anymore. The relief feels sooo good.

On a completely different subject, I booked two tickets to see Die Hard 4.0 when it comes out on Wednesday, I'm an unashamed fan of action flicks and Bruce Wills shares his action hero crown with Harrison Ford in my humble opinion. Can't wait until the next Indiana Jones comes out! *high-pitch giggle*

Getting ideas

I only managed 1500 words today – normally a below average day but that was the amount of words that brought my seventh story to a natural end! Now I have only three more stories to write until I finish the first draft of my novel.

I was speaking to my friend the Filmmaker yesterday. He's taking a break from writing scripts at the moment and he's found that he doesn't construct scenes in his head anymore, while he would get loads of ideas when went about his day when he was writing regularly.

I found this interesting, because hardly ever think about my novel outside of writing it. I'm not sure if it's because I'm not inspired, (scary thought – let’s put that aside) or because I try not to as it can get me worked up. Last night I found myself creating dialogue and imaging scenes, and I had to stop because there was no way that I'd get to sleep at a decent hour if I kept down that road.

When I do let myself think about the story I'm working on outside of writing hours, I tend to enjoy it, mainly because it all seems fantastically interesting, amusing and inspiring in my head. (My psyche is very modest.) However, when I sit down to write it I always end up moving in another direction, or it doesn't quite fit. Strange really.

It's actually easier to plan the story and dialogue while I'm actually writing, as when I need to I'll pause, look into space, hopefully get an idea, then continue. The flipside of this is slightly unpolished dialogue and weird twists, so I hope that my editing skills will prove to be up to the now mighty job. Dialogue needs to be either funny, quirky or clever, not as literal as I'm writing at the moment.

(By the way I think about my novel the most when I’m in the shower – I’d rather not examine that fact too closely though.)