Training

One of the reasons I started this blog was to hopefully dispel some of the myths that surround writing. When I started my novel many people I spoke to thought I would have a publishing deal before I started the novel and that I wouldn't need to rewrite or edit my work. I wasn't surprised - I don’t know the ins and outs of most jobs that I haven't done before.

Before I started writing my novel I had some work experience as a copy writer and editor. When I lived in London I wrote and edited an internal magazine for a large pharmaceutical company. Then I ran away to Australia and wrote a series of articles geared to fellow travellers on a career break. On my return to Ireland I found work as a training writer for web-based learning, which was my career until eighteen months ago.

Now I'm not going to pretend that these jobs were hotbeds of creativity and glamour. But they did hone my writing and editing skills and teach me to approach writing like any other job or project - instead of waiting for inspiration, you can kick start any writing assignment by just getting some words on the page, even if it’s just freewriting. Thanks to my days as a lowly foot soldier I rarely have days when I cannot write.

What I do suffer from is days when I am slower than others. Like any job, some days everything falls into place, your productivity is through the roof and you swan around the office like you own the place. But other times you’re swimming against the tide regardless how many hours you've put in, and only frequent ranty tea-breaks with co-workers will get you through the day. (In my case you're my co-workers and this blog is my rant!)

Less productive days can result from the task in hand - if I'm writing a scene with a lot of tension, dialogue and emotion it just takes longer, regardless of the amount of freewriting I do to warm up. But sometimes it's just one of those things.

Regardless of how I'm feeling though, I'll always be able to get started without much ado. I might not crack my top target for the day but I will have managed a minimum word count, even if I have to chain myself to the computer all day. If I really get stuck I'll go over my previous work and check for errors, or do some research.

But I can honestly say that getting stuck is very rare, and I can thank my training for providing that shortcut. When you work to tight deadlines you just cannot wait for inspiration. You just have to find a way to make it happen, regardless of your mood.

Sorted

I got all riled up for my first Scribblers' Corner only to discover that it's now held on Mondays, not Wednesdays.

But I did finish rewriting my first story today - 1400 words/9087 words in total - and a neat stack of black and white pages is now sat on my desk. I'm going to read over my Sol Stein notes today and then I'll edit the hell out of it. (I'm giving myself a week.)

Thank you for your comments yesterday to my post on hours versus word count - it was good to hear your ways and means. I'm now aiming to do some work in the afternoon, whether it is writing or editing. Even if I just twiddle my thumbs for an hour...as a wise person once said, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I've also decided to work at the weekends too, even just for a few hours. We have another long weekend coming up and I can't spare any more time.

And if you're anything like me, try this: How To Stop Procrastinating. And if you succeed, treat yourself to this.

Perfect

The last two weeks have been...tough. Like I said in a comment, wrestling with this first story has sunk my confidence to rock bottom and hiked my anxiety levels to insomniac.

Every night I'd go to bed exhausted, but I'd just lie there, my brain turning over the problems with the story, the editing I still had to do as I'd started it afresh, how to inject pace and tension without killing the style, the fact that I still had loads of work left to do and should really be doing more, why was I so lazy? Taking time off work to write and not doing it eight hours a day. Get it together, I'd hiss at myself. You have to do a great job, first time around. You don't have the time or money to fuck it up. Your writing has to be perfect.

After a fitful sleep I'd wake up exhausted and bully myself into writing, hating what I was producing because it wasn't really going anywhere, just going in circles because I didn't have the guts to finish it or go back and fix what I wanted to fix. As the rain was slamming against the windows and the wind banging the doors I'd sit in the gray dusk, too defeated to turn on the light, and stare at the wall while my head fretted and fidgeted until The Ours came home to mark the end of the working day but I only wanted to watch the same old programmes on tv and complain about how I just wanted to sleep and be productive and why couldn't I do it, perhaps I wasn't cut out for writing because I felt so lonely and dejected and why couldn't I get it together? Then I'd go to bed exhausted and the scene would play itself out again, stuck in my own Groundhog Day of Hell.

But by Thursday morning something had changed, perhaps the colours shone a little brighter or I'd slept a little deeper, and not only did I write 1400 words but I printed out what I had written and made notes on how to change things, and I realised that it wasn't actually that bad, actually some of it was...good! Some scenes needed to be moved around and the dialogue needed more to and froing, but I wouldn't have to scrap it. It was a relief.

And at the end of this week I'm proud to say that even though my mood was the pits I was still able to produce an average of 1100 words a day. Perhaps I am cut out to be a writer after all. I am back to great form again, looking forward to spending a long St. Patrick's Day weekend with The Ours and my friends. I still have a long way to go but I think I can do it.

Saving Me From Myself

Reading about Debi Apner's request from a stranger for her book sales and Conortje's date announcing he needed his head shrunk, I was reminded of a recent discussion of my own.

Recently I was drinking on the first floor of the Stag's Head which is not unlike sitting in someone's front room with 100 other people. (Like a wake, but without the food and weird distant relatives.) I'd been collared by a friend of a friend I'll call Dave about the progress of my novel. He fancied himself as an expert about the path to publishing so he was full of questions and suggestions. I had the measure of him; I was armoured with a trusty layer of thick skin I'd nutured after the last time we'd spoken. The conversation turned to:

Dave: So what's your market?
Me: Well the structure of my novel is very like David Mitchell's The Cloud Atlas-
Dave: *Frowns* Never heard of him or it.
Me: It was shortlisted for the Booker Prize.
Dave: Hmm, the Booker Prize is quite niche you know. You need to be careful of these limited markets, people can be put off.
Me: Oh no, it was on the bestsellers list for ages, it's still a very popular book-
Dave: *Frown deepens* The populist market is full of pratfalls. Better to set your sights higher if you want to be respected.
Me: Sorry there Dave, the bar is calling. Cheers.

(Dave by the way is doing a PHD in Art and has never written a book let alone published one.)

I was more amused than annoyed by the above exchange, and perhaps it was just idle curiosity from a bit of a know-it-all. But I did get the impression he was testing my mettle for the road ahead, even trying to catch me out. Perhaps he was trying to save me from myself?

So here's the question - why do people do this? If, for example, I met a musician I wouldn't dare interrogate or lecture them about landing a recording contract but perhaps that's just me. I have the CV of a serial job-hopper but I have never had this reaction until I started telling people I was writing a book. Are writers a greater target than other professions? Or have I just been lucky until now?

Stuffed

My head feels like it's stuffed with cotton wool today, ready to pop all over my dark green duvet. (yes, I'm in bed again, hurray for writerhood!)

Perhaps I'm a little under the weather that is having a tantrum of nuclear proportions outside?

Or maybe it's because of the documentary about Stephen Hawking last night, which I could follow until they started talking about String Theory and stretched my gray matter to breaking point?

Whatever the reason, I'm feeling a little sorry for myself. But I did manage 956 words so far. Not my best work, but it's still something.

I also finished Maggie O'Farrell's After You'd Gone which I really enjoyed. I found the style and colour of her writing to be so original and emotive. She really let the characters speak for themselves and I couldn't help but care for them. Incredibly well-paced too - I couldn't believe it was her first novel.

One minor quibble, I found the dialogue stilted and unrealistic at times, it reminded me of the dialogue in my first draft which actually gave me hope. If I could produce something in my first draft that reminded me of a published novel I enjoyed, I might have a chance in the publishing wilderness!

Dear Muse

How's it hanging? Or floating? Or whatever you do where you are.

Anyhoo...it's been a tough few days I admit. Out of the blue, after months of no contact, I expect you to turn up and just do your thing. (In my defence I've been very busy - secretarial work just doesn't rock my creative boat) So I understand why you're withholding the stardust at the moment.

I'm trying my best to accommodate your needs. As an example, I'm trying to start work early in the morning as I know you're at your twinkliest then. But I didn't figure on being wide awake until four am last night, dozing until one in the afternoon and missing my first Scribblers Corner, thus putting off our quality time for another week.

And when I worry about how long this rewrite will take, whether the savings will stretch that far and the unrealistic timelines I've drawn up, I know it drives you to gorge on chocolate ice-cream while lying prostrate on your sofa rather than musing with me.

But let's put this behind us and make a deal. If I get up at the crack of dawn tomorrow (i.e. 9 am) and start writing straight away, will you pay me a visit? No pressure, just for a catch up. We don't even need to talk shop.

Hope to see you then.

Yvonne

Mistake

Unfortunately after my positive start yesterday morning I started worrying about my situation. Reading about the editing process made me realise that I have a lot more to do than I originally hoped, and that three months just wasn't going to cut it.

Was reading up on editing techniques an excuse for avoiding my first draft? Procrastination has always got me down. What if I can never pick up the bloody stack of paper?

Would I be able to do a good job when the time came? I'm still not sure if I'm a good writer. And equally unsure if I could take the criticism when the time comes.

And at my lowest point I wondered if I had made a huge mistake. This time last year I was comfortable to be at home and excited about finally knuckling down and writing. But the pressure I had heaped on myself felt too great.

I felt lonely in the flat by myself with no-one to tell me what to do next and how to do it. I had to figure it out on my own but wasn't sure I could.

The minute the Ours came through the door I had a little cry. Luckily he always knows the right thing to say. It was just the FEAR. Whatever happens we can sort it out together.

I had a long sleep last night and, feeling better, read more of Sol Stein. Now I'm going for a walk. Life is good again.

Blogging

I just found out that I was nominated for Best Blog and Best Personal Blog in the Irish Blog Awards! (Thanks Jen for the heads up.) Thank you so much!

I noticed that some of the nominations came from Luxembourg this year - wonder who that was? ;)

I know I've been a naughty non-blogger recently, I find it tough to blog everyday and have a job. In fact, I doubt I should be working at all based on my utter inability to do anything else but watch tv and sleep when I am gainfully employed.

Not blogging pains me, it nags away at me, but when I come home my mind is dull. The blogging part of my life is on hold. It's not like I'm unhappy when I'm working - the people are good craic, the work is stress free and I don't pine for my novel. Finding things to blog about is difficult nonetheless. My experiences don't feel unique. I feel uncomfortable sharing personal information too - the intense privacy I feel about so many parts of my life has taken me by surprise.

But when I'm writing, blogging is truly a godsend. Working on the novel doesn't come easy to me most days and blogging offers me respite from that. When I experience a breakthrough, discover a method that works for me or just have a good day, I want to share it. I read other blogs to find out how they are doing and learn from their experiences. And when I'm having a wobble I always post about it - there is no better cure in my opinion.

Writing full time is what I want to blog about - that's what I want to scream about from the roof tops.

I can't wait for the next few months.

Update: I've been nominated for Best Newcomer too. Again, thank you. I'm really touched.

SpagBol

I'm actually cooking dinner for once. Ok, Spaghetti Bolognese, but I do cook it completely from scratch (apart from the pasta). Unfortunately I was wearing my work clothes when I was preparing it and squirted tomato paste all down my good cardie. You know, the one that actually looks neat and tidy unlike the bobbly fat knit monsters that lurk at the back of my wardrobe.

In a few days time I'll be writing again, and I am looking forward to it. But the thought of getting on a plane in three weeks' time to THE VEGAS is monopolising any excitement that I might feel about full time writing. I've even started looking up tips for long haul travel...so sad. (And yes, I did know it all before - the fun was in the research. I know...)

Duh

I walked to work and back - didn't drown! Result!

My mood has suddenly improved, and so has my outlook for the next few months.

Now I reckon that the rewrite will go well.

When I think back to what I've written, character dialogue suddenly spools into my head, light but massy, witty but profound. (Or maybe you've just stopped taking your medication? Shut up it's ART!) Needless to say I immediately get all excited about the whole shebang.

I just got everything out in the first draft, I think. This time I'll have a chance to add colour and texture to the stories, deepen the character's personalities, research my themes a little more.

Then again I often get ideas for posts when I'm out and about, and each word jumps into place without effort or fuss. Congratulating myself I head home, only sit in front of my computer and hear the voice in my head say: "Duuuuhhhhhh..."

We shall see. But I'm glad that the cloud over my head has shrunk slightly.

The Big Edit

I'm finishing up work on Friday, 1st February to start on the second draft (gulp). That's less than four weeks away.

To get cracking immediately I'm going to read some books I bought a few months ago to prepare me for the BIG EDIT:

The Writers' and Artists' Yearbook 2008, and
Solutions for Writers by Sol Stein

I'd also like to finish Wannabe a Writer by Jane Wenham-Jones because so many fellow bloggers raved about it - I read the part where she was harassing her agent and it absolutely cracked me up. If my doodles were as good as Jane's I'd definitely follow her example.

To promote myself - however grassroots this may be - a website with my name in lights is in order. The domain is bought but I'm still getting the hosting sorted. The bio is fine (I love yabbering about myself) but I need more to pad out my portfolio. I have a few articles floating around cyberspace that I can link to but not enough. Some publish-worthy material is in order too then.

Yawn! Writing about all this activity has me knackered.

Writing vs job

It's Friday, which means I've finally made some money! W00t! Am just about to make a big batch of spag bol with the ours - we'll have some for our dinner with a nice bottle of wine and final of The Restaurant, and the rest we'll freeze. Anything that keeps me away from restaurant and fast food is a good thing at this stage.

I've been told at work that they want me to stay on, I'm not sure how long they are thinking of but it might be several months. I really want to work up until Christmas because I need the money, but I'd also like to get cracking on my second draft. I'm starting to realise that I will not get far if I work a full day and then write in the evenings. I just find it impossible to do; kudos to everyone who can, I have the utmost respect for you but it is beyond me. I stopped working jobs with overtime several years ago because the long hours took their toll on my physical and mental wellbeing, and it's become apparent to me that writing after work would have the same effect.

I can cope with not tackling my novel until after Christmas, but if they ask me to stay on longer it will be difficult to turn them down. I don't have much experience as a legal secretary so the longer I can stay in one place at first, the better. But on the other hand it seems important that I don't lose sight of why I retrained in the first place - to take regular breaks to write.

Weight

Unfortunately I forgot to get paper yesterday so I've only been able to print out seven stories so far, but the last three will be printed out today. I've been reading up on manuscript presentation and formatting tips - the importance of a polished and well-edited manuscript pops up again and again, so I'll have to make sure I edit this draft within an inch of its life.

I'm still on my high from yesterday, which came about from actually seeing my novel on paper. While I sorted the pages, fixed each story together and filed it away, I kept thinking - I Made This. It was no longer all noughts and ones. There it was in black and white. When I handled it, it had weight and texture; it was real. I caught snippets of what I had wrote and marveled that I had written that. Not to say that it was good - some of it was flabby - rather I had made something from nothing. Parts of it I couldn't even remember writing, so strong is The Zone (tm).

I'm no longer dreading the rewrite. Last night before I went to sleep my head was spooling a new, more realistic dialogue for one of the stories. I can't wait to get started.

I'm back

I finally took the plunge and printed out the first chapter of my novel, in all its double spaced glory. Needless to say it ran to quite a few pages...

So now I'm heading out to buy more printer paper, a folder to keep the printed result along with stuff for my interview tomorrow.

I've also started reading the editing/publishing books I ordered weeks ago. So far they've made me see the big picture. The job is only a tool to help me become a writer - it shouldn't distract me from what I really want to do.

I feel like I've just woke up from a very deep sleep - I'm back, baybee!

Fin

I finished my course today...

Which is great!

But it also means that I have to get a job.

AND I've run out of excuses for avoiding my second draft.

All this can be tackled tomorrow of course...

So until then I'm going to laze about and watch rubbish.

(w00t)

Quality vs Quantity

Yes, there is no way a writer can do well if they do not monitor the quality of their work, know their grammar and spelling inside out, edit ruthlessly and offer their writing to others for comment and criticism. Writers can turn to writers' groups or creative writing classes for support on these matters.

But last year when I joined these groups and classes, I wasn't necessarily looking for creative writing tips even though they were helpful. Neither was I looking for criticism, because I hadn't actually written anything yet. It was motivation I was seeking - something to spur me on to write regularly after work and to keep up the momentum. And unfortunately I didn't find it in these places.

When I did eventually start writing, it wasn't only by leaving my job and writing full-time, but also by lurking on other writer blogs who regularly posted their daily word count. Perhaps it exposed a competitive edge that served as a tangible deadline. And on days I wobbled or felt lazy, I knew that I wouldn't have a word count to post - and that had me in front of the laptop.

There are two sites that exist to 'kick writing arse' which is the technical term. One is Novel Racers, which I've written about before. The other is National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo), which is coming up next month. The goal is to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days.

Neither site monitors quality or provides criticism. But that might not be what you want or need at this stage. You may be where I was last year, when I wanted to write but I lacked the continual motivation to do so. Or maybe you just need a little nudge to get started. And then when you've got over the hump of staring at a blank screen, have got into the habit of writing every day and you've found your style - then you can start rewriting and seek out a great writers' group that can give you some feedback and some quality control.

Or like the NaNoWriMo site says:

Make no mistake: You will be writing a lot of crap. And that's a good thing. By forcing yourself to write so intensely, you are giving yourself permission to make mistakes. To forgo the endless tweaking and editing and just create. To build without tearing down.

(By the way, I'm sure that other writers will have examples of when a group did spur them on to write. I'm just saying that, in my experience, there is another way to motivate writers.)

Writing meme

I've been tagged at Shenanigans for a writing meme about 5 of my strengths as a writer and 5 pieces of writing advice.

1. I'm able to motivate myself quite effectively, whether it's by imagining myself getting stuck in or, if all else fails, thinking about how guilty I'd feel if I didn't write that day.

2. I approach writing as a job rather than a hobby. This has also helped me remain focused and motivated because if I saw my novel as a side activity to work I would never get it done.

3. I enjoy writing more than any other job I've ever had. 'Nuff said.

4. I am never complacent. I write at least 1500 words a day and monitor my overall word count.

5. Being a bookworm since I can remember has really paid off. I seem to have an instinct for what is good, bad, cliched and original. That doesn't mean that I don't make mistakes when I'm having a bad day or I'm tired - but it does mean I am not afraid to change it later.

And here is my writing advice:

1. Find out what motivates you the best, then stick to it. There are many writers who can treat writing like a hobby, who don't have to motivate themselves by leaving work or by setting themselves high word count goals. But this has worked for me so far and I've only found it out by trial and error.

2. If you want to write, just sit down and do it. Even if it's only 300 words a day it will add up.

3. Try not to let the negative in. I don't mean constructive criticism, which is essential. I mean people who criticise you for no good reason at all, who tell you the statistics are piled against you or even just a fellow writer who doesn't hold much truck for your method. If something works for you, stick to it. And if everyone listened to statistics then we'd never get anywhere.

4. Develop thick skin. (I'm working on this one myself by the way.) Learning to take constructive criticism is vital to becoming a good writer. If you want your work to be published you cannot write for yourself, you must write for the potential audience. Receiving negative feedback can be hard but if you toughen up, your work can only benefit.

5. Focus on the rewards. When I first started my novel it seemed like a mountain to climb. But when I finished my first draft it felt like an amazing achievement. When you are thinking of becoming a writer it's just too easy to let your insecurity prevent you from putting words to paper. But it is all worth it in the end.

And now onto the tags - I'm not sure who has done this meme already or not, so if you would like to give it a try then go ahead!

Routine

Back to college tomorrow. I actually can't wait to have some shape to my days again. The sooner I start temping work the better - I was originally planning to take every second month off to write, but now I think I'll try to work steadily until after Christmas as money's tight. I can always write after work or at weekends, it'll be a challenge but I need to get into the habit!

A few months

Another facebook article here. God, I'm relentless.

Have been talking a lot recently about last October, when I was feeling trapped and unhappy. Six months earlier the Ours and I had finally got the keys for our apartment, and after the excitement had worn off it dawned on me that we couldn't rent it out for five years under our terms as first time buyers.

Until we'd moved back to Ireland we had done a lot of travelling, and I couldn't imagine being happy doing anything else. We would work for a year, then travel for a year. We talked about living and working in the US eventually. At that stage I was on my eighth job and had changed career four times. 'Easily bored' was an understatement. Being shackled to the one place for five years seemed like a life sentence.

And then there was my job. I'd moved onto my fifth career now (and stuck with it for three years - a record) and was now working in the city centre. Great location, stressful job. I was overworked, underpaid and unappreciated. By October I'd frequently disappear into the toilets for a brief cry, just to prevent the stress from curdling my stomach or robbing me of sleep. And, worst of all, it didn't have to be that way. I was not saving lives, nor was I doing anything of great importance to humanity. I was a little cog in a huge money making machine.

So back to last October, when the trapped feeling had grown to a crisis. And then it became a revelation. I decided that I would take control of my life as best I could. If I could not travel, I would write. We started putting more money away. I gave up work at the end of December and started planning my novel in January.

What a difference a few months make.

100%

Something strange just happened.

I had said that this story, the last one of my novel, had another 4000 words to go. I based this figure on the word count of the previous three stories that I had written. But last night I had told the Ours that I didn't think it would stretch that far. The story was a more compact one - the narrative and plot didn't require a heavy hand. It was what the characters didn't say or do that mattered.

So 2000 words in this morning I realised that the story was coming to a natural end. I was a little taken aback, and stretched it as much as I could - but at 2433 words it was all over. I couldn't wring another word out of it. (I realise now that I should have finished earlier - but at the eleventh hour I just wasn't ready for it to end. Strange, as this day has been my guide since the beginning.)

I called the Ours, explained that I had reached the end a little earlier than I had forseen, and he told me he was proud of me. I then put down the phone and started writing this post. Then I stopped for a little cry, not a miserable one, a release.

So there it is. 100% of my first draft is now written. 90,967 words. I won't be moving onto the next draft until I finish my course. Part of me wishes that I could have reached the 4000 words that I had readied myself for. But a bigger part of me knows this wish betrays my writing instinct. Sometimes you can't plan for the end. It just happens.