Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Unmotivated

Very bad day today, completely unmotivated, felt guilty about not writing enough but just wasn't able to get anything decent down on paper. I'm hoping it's just a blip but if I have more days like this I might go back to work.

The reason for my breaks from work is to treat writing like a job rather than a hobby. So if I'm spending days where I'm not getting anything done then it's just not worth it. I desperately want to finish this edit and rewrite - I know I need to start doing more - but for some reason I still have days where I put it off.

I've tried setting deadlines, scrapping them, free writing to get me started and doing research when I get stuck. But there are still too many days where I don't even leave the starting line.

I'm very frustrated with myself at the moment.

(Update: After writing this post I feel so much better! I know it's fear of failure that causes me to procrastinate. I've put some quotes on my desktop to inspire me tomorrow.)

6 comments:

Angie said...

I feel like you're describing a lot of my days, and you capture the frustration so well.
I hope tomorrow goes better.
-Ang xx

marmiteandtea said...

Hope tomorrow goes well and the quotes help.
Fear can really make you freeze!
Hope you have FDR's one
"The only thing to fear is fear itself."

Suzanne said...

Yes, I think you nailed it, fear can make you creatively frozen. You inspired me to keep writing, now I want to inspire you--don't stop! I feel this way often, right before a burst of writing. It's like my brain is resting and taking everything in and then, BAM! I write again.
I am always fearful that the best is behind me and I have nothing left to offer.
My editor said I have called to quit at least 3 times! I guess I have--I didn't realize it. He told me to not think of the days and years to come as an endless writing task. Just take one day at a time and the ideas will come. That's what I was doing, thinking of the future as a black hole I had to fill up with my ideas and stories, maybe that is where you are as well--overwhelmed at the thought of being a "writer." Scary...
I am happy to report that I wrote last night and today, and feel much better. Don't give up! It's the darkness before the light!
Suz
PS Geesh, sorry so long-winded.

The Crabling Otter said...

Ok, repeat after me. "I am at home with the me. I am rooted in the me who is on this adventure."

And if that doesn't work, I got nothing!

Debs said...

You sum up so well how I feel much of the time. I think I was held back for years by the fear of failure and am not much better now.

Hope you feel better tomorrow.

Yvonne said...

Angie, thanks!

M&T I love that quote, will have to add it.

Suzanne don't apologise for your comment it was great! Your boss makes a lot of sense - I think I look at the big picture too much and let that get to me. I should just concentrate on getting something done each day.

Crabling Otter - I've repeated!

Debs, it's good to hear that you are better now, it gives me hope that my own fear might fade eventually.